Yesterday I had the worst panic attack I have ever had. I was at work and the first call I took was a complaint from a woman who was not receiving all of the channels she should have. She was rude and abusive, refusing to allow me to ask any questions, or to speak at all really. After about ten minutes of verbal abuse she demanded to speak to a supervisor. I passed her over to a supervisor and my first instinct was to run. I ripped my headset off and ran for the door. By the time I was to the door I realized that running wasn’t an option, so I went to the restroom and vomited. After vomiting for what seemed like 20 minutes I returned to my desk. My heart was pounding so hard it felt like it was going to explode. I was having a hard time catching my breath and I felt like I was going to pass out. Not wanting to get hurt if I dod pass out, I sat on the floor and tried to regulate my breathing.
One or more of my coworkers alerted my supervisor who came over to check on me. Her first reaction was to have me call the employee nurse line. After being on hold for about ten minutes I described my symptoms and the nurse asked to speak to my supervisor. She told my supervisor to call 911. The ambulance arrived shortly thereafter and took me to the hospital. At the hospital they gave me an EKG, blood tests, oxygen, and a saline IV. After spending close to four hours in the ER, they let me go home, agreeing with me that it was indeed a panic attack, and told me to follow up with my own doctor.
Today I am feeling much better, the only lingering effect is a large bruise on the back of my hand where the IV was. The ER doctor told me I can return to work on Monday. I am kind of worried about going back. My coworkers saw me in a vulnerable position, with absolute terror in my eyes. During one of the phone calls I can’t remember it was 911 or the nurse I was asked if I took any unusual medications, I blurted out something about antipsychotics. The fact that I take a large dose of antipsychotics is something that I didn’t need anyone I work with, particularly my supervisor knowing. Everyone that was there yesterday saw exactly how fragile my mental state is, and will now think lesser of me. I am really not looking forward to going back.
Suicidal Transgirl 