Is It Weird?

Is it weird that I am washing down the medication that is supposed to help me stop drinking with a beer?

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Alcohol Shamed

I stopped by the convenience store and bought a six pack of beer. The clerk behind the counter said to me “Why are you only buying one? You know you’ll be back later”. Shamed by a convenience store clerk. How low have I fallen?

Bored and Sober

It’s 9:30am and I haven’t had a drink so far today, which is more than I can say for the last week. I’m trying really hard not to drink today, but I’m so damn bored I don’t know what to do with myself.

Hurt

I hurt myself today

To see if I still feel

I focus on the pain

The only thing that’s real

The needle tears a hole

The old familiar sting

Try to kill it all away

But I remember everything

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that’s real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar’s chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

What have I become

My sweetest friend

Everyone I know goes away

In the end

And you could have it all

My empire of dirt

I will let you down

I will make you hurt

 

I wear this crown of thorns

Upon my liar’s chair

Full of broken thoughts

I cannot repair

Beneath the stains of time

The feelings disappear

You are someone else

I am still right here

 

What have I become

My sweetest friend

Everyone I know goes away

In the end

And you could have it all

My empire of dirt

I will let you down

I will make you hurt

 

If I could start again

A million miles away

I would keep myself

I would find a way

What The Hell Is Wrong With Me?

I made it to 9:00. I went to the closest store and bought beer I don’t even like just so I could get through the cravings.

Temptation

7:00am and I’m having really bad alcohol cravings this morning. I am out of cigarettes and need to go to the store. There in lies the problem. I’m not sure if I can resist buying something to drink. I can’t legally buy alcohol until 8:00am. The store closest to me has more expensive cigarettes and a lousy beer selection, but they are open right now. The store with cheaper cigarettes also has a better alcohol selection and they open at 8:00. I don’t know what I am going to do.

Creativity

I haven’t been in the mood to write the last couple of weeks. I’ve been spending my time playing guitar and working on a new song.