My name is Allison. I am a 49 year old transgender woman; after having spent 16 years living in Northern California I have recently returned to living in Upstate New York. I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder and schizoaffective disorder. I am also an alcoholic and drug addict. Once upon a time I was a functional, productive adult with a full time job and a bright future. Over the last year I have lost everything because of my illnesses.

Every day life is struggle. Suicide and self harm are on my mind constantly. This blog is a chronicle of my experiences. Because I  sometimes find it easier to write about some of my more difficult subject matter in the third person,  some entries will be written in a story format, while others will be straight up journal entries. The subject matter is likely to be graphic and often times extremely grim. Much of what I write may be a trigger to many people.  You have been warned.