Adrift at Sea

I feel lost. Today marks two weeks since I went out on disability. The stress and anxiety of the job finally caught up to me, and I couldn’t even think of going into that building without getting physically ill. I still haven’t been able to see my doctor, I still haven’t seen my psychiatrist. My disability paperwork hangs in limbo until I can see one of them and get the paperwork submitted.  I sit at home all day, screwing around online and taking long naps. While my anxiety has diminished somewhat, I still can’t function like an adult. I sit here on the 19th of the month wondering how I am going to pay my rent and phone bill on the first of the month. I wonder how I am gong to eat if I ever regain my appetite. I wonder if I will ever be well enough to fully support myself and be reasonably stable while doing it. I’ve started smoking again, I’ve started cutting again. I can’t cope. The thought of suicide lingers in the background. I feel hopeless, and I don’t know what to do about it.

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