Just Once

As I look over my calendar i see that I have seen some sort of medical professional (GP, therapist, psychiatrist, other assorted specialists) every week for the last 14 weeks. I’m getting pretty damn sick of it. I have a four day weekend and was looking for ward to not having to see any of them. Just once I would like a week with out doctor or therapist appointments.

No such luck.

I got a phone call on Friday informing me that I have an appointment with a plastic surgeon Tuesday. A few months ago I tore an ear piercing and didn’t care for up properly. It ended up healing around the earring back and I have to get it surgically removed. Saturday I got a letter with my referral to an orthopedic surgeon to do something about my chronic back pain.

Then, worst of all, I broke a tooth Saturday. It’s one of my front teeth and is really jagged, It’s not something I will be able to ignore. That means I will have to go to the dentist. I hate the dentist. My biggest fear in the world is going to the dentist. My fear is so strong I haven’t seen a dentist in over ten years. I was sexually abused by a dentist when I was a child. I know I need to do something about it, but I’m shaking, trembling, hearing the sounds of drills and hearing the sounds of teeth being broken with pliers. I’m having nightmares. I need to be fully sedated or I can’t do it. But if I am sedated, I fear being abused again. If it requires extensive dental surgery I am terrified of the pain and the possibility of needing pain medication. I almost died from my addiction. I have not taken a pain pill (my drug of choice) in 378 days.

I’m scarred.

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