No One Cares

The last time I heard from any one in my family was over a month ago. You would think that someone would check in on the schizophrenic addict more than once a month, but no, not my family. I got a new cellphone the other day and posted the news on Facebook stating that I had a new phone number and to send me a message if anyone would like it. I got responses from a couple of friends, but not one person in my family. They’ve been on Facebook since I posted it, I know they have, some members of my family have been posting and conversing with each other. But not a goddamned one of them acknowledged my post or asked for my new phone number. No one has bothered to check in on me. I could be dead for all they know. They don’t fucking care. Everyone I have ever dated wonders where my intense fear of abandonment comes from. This is it right here. I’m 100 fucking miles away from them, and no one has thought to check on me. Despite my 3 suicide attempts, 2 hospitalizations, and 6 months of homelessness no one fucking cares enough to fucking check on me. If I were allowed to purchase a gun I’d get on a Greyhound, go to my mother’s house and blow my fucking brains out on her front lawn. Then, maybe then someone would fucking understand what the fuck I am going through. But then they probably wouldn’t even notice then either.

Why do I even try? Why do I still hold hope that things will be different this time? I could die tonight and no one would notice or care until the smell of my decaying body alerted someone. Forty-six years on this planet and no one would care if I died tonight. Nobody.


One comment

  1. Sounds tough – but maybe they do care but can’t cope or don’t know how to react. I don’t know your family but I do know that sometimes it is hard to show your concern, sometimes you are just worn down and its easier to avoid people and situations. Maybe it’s a time to grow and dig deep for your own resources, to learn to love yourself whatever other people say or do? Anyway, sending some positive energy your way.

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