I Didn’t Realize How Addicted I Have Become

I am addicted to self harm.

I have been struggling with self harm for the last several months. It is my coping mechanism for dealing with stress and and quieting the voices. The longest I have been able to abstain is six days.

Right now the urges are very strong and I can’t do anything about it. I’m currently staying in a dump of a motel that has drug dealers and prostitutes roaming the parking lot. I’m here on a voucher from Social Services. One of the conditions of the voucher is no weapons. I have to return to Social Services to report my progress in finding an apartment. I have to pass through a metal detector at Social Services, so I’m not able to even hide a blade. The urges are so strong that the voices are screaming at me and my hands are shaking. I need relief.

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2 comments

    1. It seems like a logical concept. I took quite a long time to diagnose me with schizophrenia because I attributed the things I was hearing to my brain trying to make sense out of the ringing in my ears due to hearing damage. It sounded like a murmuring crowd.

      I denied hearing voices for several years. Once the sounds started separating the voices became more distinct.

      I have good days and bad days. Today is a pretty good day symptom wise. I’m looking for a Psychiatrist in my area but am having difficulty thus far. I’ve established myself with a GP, but she is not comfortable managing my meds at the dosages I am taking.

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