I Want Out

I don’t want to be here anymore.



  1. I can totally totally relate. I don’t wanna be here either. I want to not be alive. I don’t why I must keep on breathing. Life sucks and it’s not getting any better. People told me when I was young, oh just wait things will get better. You know what? THEY lied their asses of. I am 45 and life just gets worse and worse.

  2. How much would it help to be in a different physical space. Back in California, for example. Or just somewhere that isn’t upstate New York.

    1. I think it would help immensely. Unfortunately I have no income whatsoever. I am here only because of the generosity of friends that discovered I was living on the streets in California. They banded together, purchased a plane ticket, and arranged for a place for me to stay.

      I want to go back to California very badly. I have been here less than a month and am constantly reminded why I left here in the first place. The people here are angry, anxious bigots. They self improvement and striving for something better in life distasteful. If they see something that they have no desire or need for anyone else who wants it is an idiot. It is far bleaker and depressing than I remembered it to be.

      1. Yeah.

        That is a really difficult situation. I’m really sorry to hear it. I know how hard it must be. Intellectually, at least. Emotionally I can only guess. I just moved to a new place not long ago & it’s increasingly difficult to find energy for going out, trying to make friends, do all the new place things you’re supposed to do. But I wouldn’t say that that is as hard as your situation.

        I think about you somewhat often. I think I hope that I’ll find a combination of magic words to offer. Or some sage advice. And of course there isn’t any. There’s just “I’m sorry” and “I hope….”

        Maybe knowing that you’re thought of will help, a little bit. I’m not so arrogant to think that it will. But “maybe” can be powerful.

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