I feel so utterly helpless and lost. Three weeks ago I moved away from sleeping in the streets in Northern California to live with an old friend in a relatively rural community in Upstate New York. The two worlds could not possibly be any different. I grew up about 80 miles north of here, so I should have known what to expect, but I was not prepared at all. I have changed so much in the 16 years since I left here that I now feel like I live on a different planet.
I am having a difficult time locating vital services and support that I desperately need. The very limited Narcotics Anonymous meetings I have found have been more stressful than helpful. They are disorganized, almost chaotic at times. The people talk while others are speaking, they are using their cell phones in areas that cell phone usage is prohibited by law. Overall very disrespectful to the recovery process.
While I was able to get all of my medications refilled before I left California, they aren’t going to last forever. As a transgendered woman I need access to a therapist that is competent in gender issues as well as medical doctors who are competent in Hormone Replacement Therapy. This is in addition to finding the therapeutic and medical support I need in treating my Borderline Personality Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, and what may be the beginning stages of schizophrenia. The one LGBT focused website I was able to find for the area only had 9 members. I can’t be the only one who needs these services. I know this area is far more conservative that California is but I at least expected to find something here.
I feel so alone.